Negative Sentiment Override: Breaking the Cycle

Negative Sentiment Override (NSO) is a relationship dynamic where one or both partners interpret neutral or positive actions from their partner through a negative lens. Gottman’s research suggests that Negative Sentiment Override (NSO) typically develops over time as a result of repeated unresolved conflicts, negative interaction cycles, and unmet emotional needs in the relationship. NSO often emerges after months or years of persistent negativity and dissatisfaction. It often shows up in subtle but impactful ways in couples, who may be juggling the pressures of work, parenting, or sustained life stressors.

NSO lights up conflict between couples quickly and seemingly from ‘out of nowhere’. For instance, Sarah feels unappreciated after years of handling the mental load of many of the household responsibilities. One night, after a day where Sarah has felt overwhelmed by ‘all of the things to do’, her partner, Tom, offers to cook dinner, assuming this is a helpful gesture. Sarah turns and snaps at him, “Oh! My hero! So now you want to help me?!” Tom, already frustrated by the criticism, retorts, “I can’t do anything right, can I? Stuff this, I’m outta here, get your own dinner” Instead of recognising the gesture as helpful, Sarah’s accumulated frustrations distort her interpretation, and Tom’s defensiveness escalates the conflict.

Most couples that present to couples counselling have a strong sense of what NSO has felt like in their relationship. They describe it as ‘walking on eggshells’ or the ‘here we go again’ vibe when a well-intended interaction turns hot or sour, spoiling the moment. NSO develops gradually, often stemming from unresolved conflicts or unmet emotional needs. If partners feel unheard or disconnected, negative assumptions start to dominate their interactions. Compliments might feel like sarcasm, apologies might be seen as insincere, and a simple miscommunication can trigger disproportionate reactions.

For couples stuck in NSO, these patterns can erode trust, intimacy, and emotional safety. Therapy offers a pathway out of this cycle. A skilled therapist helps couples identify their conflict pattern and supports both to unpack the stories each partner tells themselves about the other. By practicing tools, learning insights about self and partner, and practicing vulnerability in the safe hands of a relationship therapist, partners can start to rebuild trust and see each other’s actions with clearer, more compassionate intent.

Couples therapy also focuses on fostering “Positive Sentiment Override”, where partners begin to interpret each other’s actions more generously. Imagine Sarah responding to Tom’s offer with, “Thank you, I’d appreciate that”, instead of scepticism. Small shifts like this can profoundly change the emotional climate of a relationship.

If NSO resonates with your relationship struggles, couples counselling can help you break free from these patterns and restore connection. At The Couples Clinic, we specialise in supporting couples who want to improve their relationships. Both of our therapists are registered, senior psychologists who are Certified Gottman Therapists – the highest level of training and accreditation in The Gottman Method, the gold standard model of couples counselling. Both are also on the Certification track for Emotion Focused Therapy for Couples (EFCT), demonstrating their ongoing passion and commitment to continued professional development in this space. Our therapists provide online consultations for couples across Brisbane and beyond. An overview of our couples counselling process can be found here. 

 If you’d like to know more about our services or hold a ‘meet and greet’ with one of our relationship therapists, please book a no-fee Discovery Call with either Kasia Gordon or Brett Somers.