Love Check-Up: Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

Relationship satisfaction is typically determined by how positively each partner feels towards the other and their commitment to maintaining the relationship.

Healthy relationships create a safe and supportive space for each partner to express their needs and wishes respectfully. This promotes ongoing check-ins about what satisfies or dissatisfies each partner in the relationship.

In contrast, unhealthy relationships can lead to power and support imbalances, where there isn’t enough space, trust, or understanding for each partner’s needs and wishes to be met adequately.

When emotional, physical, sexual, or financial abuse is present, many partners can feel ‘stuck’ in harmful cycles.

Here are some common themes of healthy vs unhealthy relationships:

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

- Mutual Respect: Each person values the other and understands their boundaries.

- Trust: Partners place trust in each other and give the benefit of the doubt.

- Honesty: Builds trust and strengthens the relationship.

- Compromise: Partners acknowledge different points of view and are willing to give and take.

- Individuality: Neither partner should have to compromise who they are. They should continue seeing friends, pursuing hobbies, and supporting each other’s interests.

- Good Communication: Partners speak honestly and openly to avoid miscommunication.

- Anger Control: Handling anger in healthy ways, such as taking a deep breath or talking it out.

- Fighting Fair: Sticking to the subject and avoiding insults during arguments. Taking breaks if needed.

- Problem Solving: Breaking problems into small parts and talking through situations to find solutions.

- Understanding: Taking time to understand each other’s feelings.

- Self-Confidence: Confident partners allow others to express opinions without imposing their own.

- Being a Role Model: Embodying respect to inspire others.
- Healthy Sexual Relationship: Engaging in mutually comfortable sexual activities without pressure.

Characteristics of Unhealthy Relationships

- Control: One partner makes all decisions, tells the other what to do, and tries to isolate them from friends and family.

- Hostility: Picking fights or antagonizing, leading one partner to change their behavior to avoid upsetting the other.

- Dishonesty: Lying, keeping information, or stealing from the other.

- Disrespect: Making fun of the other’s opinions or interests, or destroying their belongings.

- Dependence: Feeling unable to live without the other and threatening drastic actions if the relationship ends.

- Intimidation: Controlling aspects of the other’s life through fear, isolation, or threats.

- Physical Violence: Using force to get one’s way (hitting, slapping, pushing, etc.).

- Sexual Violence: Pressuring or forcing sexual activity without consent.

Understanding the value of respect and recognising the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships can help you reflect on your own relationships. Maintaining open lines of communication and ongoing effort can help form healthy relationships and proactively recognize signs of unhealthy dynamics, potentially preventing abuse or violence before it starts.

If you and your partner want to improve your relationship dynamics, please contact us at The Couples Clinic. Our dedicated therapists, Kasia Gordon and Brett Somers, specialise in the Gottman Method, Schema Therapy, and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT).

Sources:

1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. (2005). Choose respect community action kit: Helping preteens and teens build healthy relationships. Retrieved from http://www.aldine.k12.tx.us/cms/file_process/download.cfm?docID=BED9BF514B2EAD07.

Love Check-Up: Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

Characteristics of Unhealthy Relationships

Contact

connect@thecouplesclinic.com.au