Friendship: The Force for Everlasting Love

How important is friendship in a relationship? How would you describe the bond you share with your partner? Should your significant other be your best friend? These are crucial questions to consider. While it’s clear that friendship plays a vital role in a healthy, secure relationship, it’s worth exploring just how essential it is, and how you can nurture and strengthen the friendship with your partner.

Relationship expert John Gottman argues that a strong, closely bonded friendship forms the foundation for a fulfilling relationship. His research shows that individuals who report higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships also tend to have a deep, supportive friendship with their partner.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship where you didn’t feel like friends, you know firsthand that it’s far from a comforting or supportive experience. It feels isolating, distant, and as if the other person doesn’t truly understand or connect with you. A very lonely place where a relationship can’t thrive.

It is clear that friendship is a cornerstone of a healthy, secure relationship. But what exactly makes a strong friendship within a relationship, and how can you deepen that friendship bond with your partner?

Building Love Maps

Love Maps refer to a concept introduced by relationship expert John Gottman. Essentially, love maps are a mental map we have of our partners and their inner world. It involves knowing the details of your partner’s life, like their dreams, fears, preferences, daily routines, and even the small things that matter to them.

In a strong relationship (and friendship), couples have a deep understanding of each other’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This shared knowledge allows them to navigate challenges with empathy and connection. The more you know about each other’s “Love Map,” the better equipped you are to support one another, resolve conflicts, and nurture your emotional bond.

Gottman suggests that couples regularly update and expand these Love Maps through regular communication and curiosity. This helps strengthen friendship, intimacy, and ensures that partners remain connected and attuned to one another’s evolving needs and desires.

Sharing Fondness and Admiration

When couples practice sharing fondness and admiration, they build a culture of positivity and goodwill. Making a conscious effort to highlight the things they love and respect about each other creates an environment where both partners feel valued, seen, and emotionally safe.

In both relationships and friendships, it is not enough to simply recognise your partner’s positive qualities; you should also make an effort to openly express those feelings to them. Expressing fondness, admiration, and appreciation regularly helps partners stay emotionally connected, fosters trust, and reinforces the bond of love and affection in the relationship.

Turning Towards instead of Away

In everyday moments, couples are bidding for each other’s connection (consciously and subconsciously). When one partner makes an emotional bid for connection, the other partner can either respond positively (turn towards) or ignore or reject the bid (turn away). These bids can be as simple as sharing a thought, asking for attention, or seeking support.

When partners “turn towards” each other, they acknowledge and engage with these emotional bids, showing interest, empathy, or affection. This small act of connection fosters emotional intimacy and reinforces the bond between them.

On the other hand, “turning away” happens when one partner dismisses, ignores, or avoids the other’s attempt at connection, which can lead to emotional distance over time.

Gottman’s research shows that couples who consistently turn towards each other—by responding to bids for attention, affection, or conversation—tend to have stronger, more resilient relationships.

Even in moments of stress or conflict, turning towards each other helps to maintain a sense of partnership and closeness, making it easier to navigate challenges together.

Final thoughts

Friendship is the bedrock of a close, lasting relationship. When two people are not just partners, but also friends, it creates a deeper connection built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding.

We know life is easier when we have the support of a good friend. When friendship is at the core of a relationship, it fosters deeper connection, nurtures understanding, and provides a foundation that supports both the highs and lows of life together.

By building love maps through regular communication and intentional listening, authentically sharing fondness and admiration for your partner, and turning towards your partner’s bids for connection, you will notice your friendship, and relationship, with your partner thrive.